珍 惜

There's so many things in life that we never treasure it before,never until we lost it only we start to realize that it is so much important to us. We often taken things for granted. Those that are being there for you yet you never realize it,those that are trying to care for you yet you seems to be blinded,those that are always trying to help you out yet you think that they are annoying,saying things that your ears doesn't want to hear.. Sometimes,human just like to hear sweet talks and rejected all the facts and advices they try to give you.. Until one day,when everything starts to change,when they stop to care for you,when they stop to call you and have a chit chat,when they stop to find you,you will realize that you have done a big mistake last time.. You forgot all the memories you have built with them,you forgot all the things they have done for you and then only you realize..... and you regret...... that everything,is no longer the same. Regret will be too late then.

Haha,speaking bout treasuring someone.. I forgot how to treasure anymore,not until some incident struck me only then I realize the truth that I've hurt someone deeply.. Is because, I've expect more than what he/she can give me,I expect too much,and now.. is too late to regret it. Blame myself that all this time,Im blinded,selfishly blinded that I forgot that he/she too have feelings,that I myself,forgot to treasure all the things they had done for me. Even if I regret it right here,right now, I guess is too late for that. Now,I think all I can do is.. stop expecting too much and start treasuring them. You won't feel hurt,you won't feel sad,you won't feel regret if you never fall down before,if you never... never... lose someone before. Start treasuring now, or else don't regret if he/she gone.I... wanted you all backz,deeply wanted.

-如 果 我 可 以 再 珍 惜 你 多 一 次 -

Sing

Today wake up,having doubts whether should I go to University or not cause maybe I need to go Cyber Cafe with Kum and the rest of the gang due to Kum cancel to go for bowling last minute and I wasted my chance to go back secondary school to meet my long lost History teacher, Pn. Judy Wong =( perhaps another time then.. So yea,by 11 30am or so,I went to CC near Leisure Mall and meet Kum,Yan and Heng there when they were busily playing starcraft so I joined them together and play.. while playing,my ah gor ( Guo Keng ) pulak reach LM and ask me to guide him to the CC == sei ah gor,keep ask me belanja him everything.. Luckily im good in saying NO hoho,so in the end,he pay for himself! Sorry ya,im broke too!

So all goes according to the plan.. play for like 1 hour and 30 minutes like that finally win the game with of course teamwork la,else really lose gao gao! Then we all head to Neway near Leisure Mall and meet ah ying there! Woot,she seems happy working there! Good good,ga yao ya! and she's happy to see us too! But sadly,she can't join us for fun.. That's.....sad? And I purposely choose all her favourite song so whenever she come in to serve us,she will hear her favourite song playing there but yet she can't sing so.... is quite tempting LOL! Sorry ya ying,I just kacau kacau you =P if you want to sing K,ajak mai me! I sure pei you sing gao gao xD but not really fun without her and Eddie cause.. don't have that feel without them. Normally having them around,we sure dance on the sofa crazily but this time really... for the sake of singing the song only =( perhaps next time then.. so sing till 7 o clock then san ban... sing for like 5 hours and 30 minutes,what feelings also come out liaoz.. super uber tired! and thanks to Seng Yew,our gang sing wo zhi dao sing jor 5 TIMES!! WTH! what lyrics also memorized already la! aiyoyo... now kinda like sorethroat adi.. Sigh.. That's all for today! After sing K den go backz home dinner + tv + pasar malam! no activities jor =( if you say assignments is an activity,then perhaps?

goodnight peeps!

-不 要 想 太 多 -

Inner Voice

Have you ever heard your own inner voice? Like there's someone talking inside you,asking you to choose which side you will be?Like there's an angel and a devil sitting on both of your shoulder whispering to your ears,asking what you should do and what you shouldn't do? Well,it happens to me.. I always have this voice in my head that I keep wondering whether or not should I follow what "he" says but I always ended up following his order.. That's why mistakes in life happened. Sometimes you just not sure whether or not you should follow your inner voice or you should not but most of the time,people might just give in due to the overwhelming sound. Due to this,it makes life harder,more difficult to handle and full with obstacles that you can't imagine. It might be as big and tall as a mountain or as small as a rock,you will never know how your life may end up with.

Often I live my life following this "inner voice" in my head that I wish I can shut it up forever but I know I can't.It often make me go mad,hearing all these voices in my head, which make me keep thinking what should I do,what I should not do. Often I fall for the devil's voice,asking me to do something in which I know I should not do but my body and my mind just follow his voice unconsciously.. That's why I always ended up expecting too much from others,acting like a child,jealous whatever stuffs that happened and keep asking myself the questions of W-H-Y! Often I stumble and fall,and cry inside my heart,often do wrong stuff and emo,made a wrong move and regret in the end but sometimes,I just can't help it cause I too wanted to know the answers.. That's why trouble came along the way.. Don't you feel weird having this inner voice? Is like a doppelganger of yourself. Another twin of yours which who knows might be a good person or a bad 1,it depends. Crazy to say this,but it actually happened without you even realize it. Amazing huh?

Last week till now,things started to changed in a different way. I wonder whether it will turn out good,or stay as worst as possible, I do not know but I really hope I,myself can once again be happy and see things in different angle. Is just like snapping a photo. Whenever you snap,you will see which angle is best for the outcome of the photo,not neccessary everything have to place in the center. Sometimes is better to shoot from bottom to top or vice versa,it depends on your own liking. Living a life also quite similar to snapping a photo. It is not neccessary to snap it in front of the object,different angle produce different feelings and quality,is just on how you choose to snap it. Life is just the same ba I can seriously say. If things doesn't work out the way you want it and everything happened to you also is because you see things in 1 angle,never try to see it in different position,different angle. Who knows something better might come out? You will never know the results,not unless you try it yourself.

I can honestly tell you this,I've been see-ing things in 1 angle stubbornly! Never even try to look things in different angle,that's why sometimes,all the bad stuff just happened in 1 shot, making me unable to handle all the emotions at once. I fall.. yea,seriously,I fall.. that's why this time,I HAVE and MUST to say,STAND UP AND WALK! or else, I will forever emo like this.. I'm trying,seriously desperately trying now. At least,have to make myself stop thinking too much and emo too much. Whenever you fall,ask yourself this question IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? IS THIS THE RESULT YOU WANT? If not,give another try. I don't believe I can't change, and I don't believe you will keep falling. I'm sure if you try your best, God will help you out. Just believe.

Seems like quite a number of people Tio Swine Flu nowadays. I pray that God will help those guys to recover ASAP and pray that God too will recover my brother ASAP as he is not really feeling that well 2day. Gotta go,is time to sleep.. Goodnight peeps!

5th of July 2009 ( Sunday )

Yesterday as usual,went to church but late jor cuz wake up late la haha.. nowdays very tired, keep feel want to sleep.. Maybe is a sign im getting old xD happy or sad? Then finish church around 1pm then head to Jusco for KFC, the new spicy chicken but not spicy at all.. Kinda disappointed. Then mom went to fetch my sister backz from camp while i head backz home and sleep again! Around 5 30pm like that, ah shui ask me wanna dota or not so i join them together with yi but due to yi very very very slow login garena,that 2 guy get impatient and start to diu here and there and asked me to start the game without yi but I still wait for yi to arrive.. Take him like 10 to 20 minutes to join my game zzz AH YI ! don't always too slow la aiyoyoyo..

First game we kalah teruk la == our hero got bristleback ( me ), tormented soul ( shui ), spectre ( yi ) magnataur ( lei ) supposing all this hereo can win d but duno why kalah gao gao.. opposite team got Jakiro,lion,chaos knight,warlock and the last 1 i forgot lol.. memory not good liaoz,getting old haha.. 2nd game finally win ! xD of course im the hero la together with shui.. we 2 tag team can win adi cuz I get Urza and he get Phantom Lancer,both also got slow skill yet I dont know why Yi cannot own == ah yi, why a? You get sladar wei,1 hero can sapu all jor.. and Ah lei pulak feed gao gao lol.. he get terrorblade,should can win geh but maybe item wrong jor gua.. Nevertheless,play more,know more,experience more = win !

After finish dota game then i go take my bath + go to snap some photos for photography assignments.. Again,i snap evening skies! Guess i really love evening sky adi.. the scenery is superb! Finish liaoz go back home eat dinner + watch transformers 2 with sai lou,Ying and her parents,Yan,Heng,Kum,and Dai Lou Lei ! The movie i can say is 4/5 la cuz the fighting scene really very messy,dont know which is which.. Get confused sometimes but definitely know which is the twins, optimus prime and bumble bee! I love Camaro haha.. The twins with the ice cream car really reminds me of Twisted Metal 2, that ice cream car boss that shoot ice cream as ulti skill really look alike! Pink color too! Okay la the movie,can say is superb but then it feels strange to me.. like something missing gum.. And I thought Shui got come tim, dim zhi u didnt show face.. Sigh.. =( Perhaps next time ba!

-Tired yet feels weird-

Thoughts

Been busy all this while, keep going out for yum cha and meeting my old yet best friend Joe. Is alot of fun having you around especially when we went to Sg Long Station 1 cafe and had our yum cha session there. Playing poker card and drinking Carlsberg is something memorable to me. At least, I got the chance to meet you ever since you started to work and got no time for your friends. At least, i get the chance to talk to you and have fun together. Is been so long ever since the last time we have such gathering with you around. I think got 1 or 2 months ago... Days passed by like nobody business,and it seems that time is not enough for all of us. Ever wish you can have more than 24 hours per day? Ever wish that night won't come out that fast? Ever wish that the happiest moment stop for a while and let us grasp that feelings/that moment a little longer? Time pass like the wind,every second counts. Wish that night will come again,wish that night will stop for a while so that I can enjoy a little longer... Having friends like you all, is a gift to me.

Not trying to sound emo, and I'm not emo-ing, just expressing my thoughts.. I always wanted to share some of my thoughts out with my friend, but I can't seems to find anyone I can talk about.. Perhaps Wil Ken can? Since he told me whenever he wanted to express his feelings out,he will write it in microsoft words and the delete it all since is bout his feelings and don't want to let other people to know about it.. I'm different I guess. I will write it in my blog instead of microsoft words like him. Friends.. is something mysterious yet fun to know/experience it. Have you ever thought of what Friends are all about? Friends? Good Friends? Best Friends? True Friends? I always thought that Best friends = True Friends, will always be there whenever you need them.. But as time pass,I start to know that.. There is a difference between this 2.. Friends will leave you,will walk away from your life, Good friends is half-hearted.. Sometimes there,sometimes disappeared without a trace..got benefit then they will come and find you, if not,disappeared. Best friends will backstab you when you let your guard down but then.. True friends will never leave you i guess.. will always be there whenever you need them, but of course,conditions apply gua i think.. What is friends? Do we need them to survive? Can anyone stay alone forever? without any company? I guess not.. will die because of loneliness xD haha.. Sometimes I did think this way.. being true friends is quite tiring.. maybe because i'm down that time.. keep think bout all sorts of things. Why this and not that? Why is it all happening so fast? like feeling insecure..

Sometimes I think,avoidance is better than facing the truth.. but,does it solve anything? There's alot of questions I can think of.. Like,am I really suit to be in this group? Am I capable of changing? Am I worthy in your presence? Am I suit to be a brother? Why can't I give up? The questions is always W-H-Y yet there's no answer in whatever i'm trying to seek.. The bible said " seek and ye shall find " Maybe i seek the wrong way..Being the me is really tough, or should I say, the world is unfair,we must stay strong and tough. Yea.. the world is cruel, who likes it anyway? The thoughts I have now.. am really having it right now is... Am I worthy to be beside you? Is confusing.. to know that,I've done so much wrong things in the past that it haunts me now.. I thought,I'm doing it right but actually,i forgot to care bout others feelings.. I forgot who I really am,I forgot how to be happy, I forgot who am I when I'm with you, I forgot what is my purpose in this world.. I forgot everything that I once decided to do.I guess this is the real me.. Lost in my own little world yet forgetting that I'm actually involved in other people's world.. Forgot bout others feelings yet selfishly wanted care and attention from others.. Forgot my responsibility as a brother,as a friend.. Forgot bout everything.. Forgot.....

Put that aside.. I'm playing backz IvaliceRO nowadays but actually,just login and find pey for a little chat,that's all @@ very sien nowdays..

-lost-