Thoughts

Been busy all this while, keep going out for yum cha and meeting my old yet best friend Joe. Is alot of fun having you around especially when we went to Sg Long Station 1 cafe and had our yum cha session there. Playing poker card and drinking Carlsberg is something memorable to me. At least, I got the chance to meet you ever since you started to work and got no time for your friends. At least, i get the chance to talk to you and have fun together. Is been so long ever since the last time we have such gathering with you around. I think got 1 or 2 months ago... Days passed by like nobody business,and it seems that time is not enough for all of us. Ever wish you can have more than 24 hours per day? Ever wish that night won't come out that fast? Ever wish that the happiest moment stop for a while and let us grasp that feelings/that moment a little longer? Time pass like the wind,every second counts. Wish that night will come again,wish that night will stop for a while so that I can enjoy a little longer... Having friends like you all, is a gift to me.

Not trying to sound emo, and I'm not emo-ing, just expressing my thoughts.. I always wanted to share some of my thoughts out with my friend, but I can't seems to find anyone I can talk about.. Perhaps Wil Ken can? Since he told me whenever he wanted to express his feelings out,he will write it in microsoft words and the delete it all since is bout his feelings and don't want to let other people to know about it.. I'm different I guess. I will write it in my blog instead of microsoft words like him. Friends.. is something mysterious yet fun to know/experience it. Have you ever thought of what Friends are all about? Friends? Good Friends? Best Friends? True Friends? I always thought that Best friends = True Friends, will always be there whenever you need them.. But as time pass,I start to know that.. There is a difference between this 2.. Friends will leave you,will walk away from your life, Good friends is half-hearted.. Sometimes there,sometimes disappeared without a trace..got benefit then they will come and find you, if not,disappeared. Best friends will backstab you when you let your guard down but then.. True friends will never leave you i guess.. will always be there whenever you need them, but of course,conditions apply gua i think.. What is friends? Do we need them to survive? Can anyone stay alone forever? without any company? I guess not.. will die because of loneliness xD haha.. Sometimes I did think this way.. being true friends is quite tiring.. maybe because i'm down that time.. keep think bout all sorts of things. Why this and not that? Why is it all happening so fast? like feeling insecure..

Sometimes I think,avoidance is better than facing the truth.. but,does it solve anything? There's alot of questions I can think of.. Like,am I really suit to be in this group? Am I capable of changing? Am I worthy in your presence? Am I suit to be a brother? Why can't I give up? The questions is always W-H-Y yet there's no answer in whatever i'm trying to seek.. The bible said " seek and ye shall find " Maybe i seek the wrong way..Being the me is really tough, or should I say, the world is unfair,we must stay strong and tough. Yea.. the world is cruel, who likes it anyway? The thoughts I have now.. am really having it right now is... Am I worthy to be beside you? Is confusing.. to know that,I've done so much wrong things in the past that it haunts me now.. I thought,I'm doing it right but actually,i forgot to care bout others feelings.. I forgot who I really am,I forgot how to be happy, I forgot who am I when I'm with you, I forgot what is my purpose in this world.. I forgot everything that I once decided to do.I guess this is the real me.. Lost in my own little world yet forgetting that I'm actually involved in other people's world.. Forgot bout others feelings yet selfishly wanted care and attention from others.. Forgot my responsibility as a brother,as a friend.. Forgot bout everything.. Forgot.....

Put that aside.. I'm playing backz IvaliceRO nowadays but actually,just login and find pey for a little chat,that's all @@ very sien nowdays..

-lost-